JetSuiteX is an airline that, as of this writing, only flies between points in southern and northern California and Las Vegas. So why should you—someone reading this shitty, infrequently updated, and highly esoteric blog about Vegas—care? Why should I even bother writing this review? Is it the no-wait, no TSA, drive-up-and-fly-out private jet-like experience? Is it the first class legroom and unlimited drinks?

Nope. I’m writing this review because I get $20 off my next flight if you use referral code E9VX9K. Just setting the precedent now; I’m a damn sell out.

Still reading? Good. (Don’t forget to book your next flight on JetSuiteX using referral code E9VX9K).

Ok, so how’s this work? Well, first of all, let’s make something clear: I’m not even going to entertain the “why don’t you just drive to Vegas?” argument. Driving to Vegas sucks elephant shit. If you disagree, you’re the asshole passenger that controls the music on the way up and falls asleep all the way back home. So fuck you. Flying is way better. JetSuiteX means you pull up a few minutes before your flight, show your ID, and well, then you just get on. That’s it. Impressed? Then book your next flight using referral code E9VX9K.

But here’s the nitty gritty. My parents and I took flight 307 out of Orange County to Vegas. I booked it literally a day after the booking window extended into my travel dates and scored $79 each way. Folks, that’s way cheaper than both Southwest and Delta, the two other carriers that fly directly to Vegas from SNA. And, AND, because I saw some dude post an excellent YouTube review, I thought I’d use his referral code which knocked off another $20 on one of the tickets on my itinerary! So now it’s your turn to pass on the love and maybe score a flight that’s cheaper than gas (E9VX9K).

Is it always this cheap? No. A week after booking, I checked the price for my itinerary and it had more than doubled. To echo airline travel point pushers, miles churners, and the cult of Ben Schlappig (“Schlappigans”), when you come across a flight deal that’s too good to be true—regardless of destination—book first and plan later. Therefore, by that logic, book way out in advance every single flight on every single itinerary JetSuiteX offers. Spend tens of thousands of dollars on flights you don’t even need. Book now, think about your finances later. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to use my referral code E9VX9K.

Two months after booking, the time had finally come. My brother gave us a ride to ACI Jet, the private fixed based operator that JetSuiteX flies out of in Orange County. His 2005 Honda Element was among a couple Bentleys and a Rolls Royce.

“Get out. Get out. If they see you in this car, they won’t let you on the plane.”

We grab our stuff as quickly as we can and enter ACI about 20 minutes before departure. Upon entering, we’re asked to show ID and have our bags swiped for security by a little white swab. I’m not sure what this is—a super strong magnet perhaps?—but it literally takes seconds. Anything that doesn’t fit under the seat in front of you, including carry-on bags, is handed off; there’s no overhead storage in these Embraer 135s.

Mom’s ID is checked and the receptionist exclaims, “Happy belated birthday!” Dad’s is the same story: “Happy almost birthday!” (Like the husband who buys his wife a power drill, I’m a good son and selfishly take my parents to Vegas for their birthdays every December.) Boarding passes are printed and we’re on our way.

The lounge is weird. It’s small and compartmentalized and meant to serve a few smaller parties flying on smaller capacity jets. Our flight is full and 30 of us are spread across three different rooms using office chairs, stools, desks, and even window sills as seating. To be clear, the luxury of JetSuiteX’s service is almost entirely in its convenience. This ain’t the Cathay Pacific First Class Lounge at Hong Kong International where I rubbed one out in a private cabana while sipping on Blue Label before running into Jean-Claude Van Damme. ACI Jet provides light snacks, water, and coffee. This was on a Saturday departure. I’ve heard Friday departures get the party started early by having free booze in the lounge. I guess there’s only one way to find out… book your Friday departure using code E9VX9K and let me know how it goes.

Mom and Dad make their way in.

They’re surprised to find an envelope on their seat with a card inside wishing them a happy birthday. This small gesture meant the world to them. Mom has forever sworn off Southwest.

The cabin is modern and airy. The lack of overhead bins really opens up the space. Whites and grays dominate the color scheme. At 6’1”, I felt legroom was comparable to, if not more than any domestic first class product I’ve been in. The seats themselves aren’t very plush. There’s no seat-back entertainment. Complimentary WiFi is for texting only. While amenities seem sparse, keep in mind that the longest flight JetSuiteX offers at the moment is barely over an hour.

SNA follows noise abatement. In order to not disturb, God forbid, the lovely people of coastal Orange County, the engines throttle to full power before launching down the runway. This means that they climb steeper than at other airports and then reduce power so that the engines don’t rattle the facelifts off Newport Beach residents. The ERJ 135 shot up far faster than the 737s I’m used to flying out of this airport. I nearly pooped my pants.

Seconds after take off. Fashion (Fascist) Island and the coast looking out towards Laguna Beach.

There’s Newport Harbor, Corona del Mar, and the famous Wedge where Jamie O’Brien did a motherfucking board swap on a 25-foot wave!

One of my favorite things about flying in a small jet is that while barely over the water, the plane is already flippin’ a bitch and heading out towards the desert. Additionally, while most commercial flights from California to Vegas have to fly passed Lake Mead before banking back, this JetSuiteX is already flippin’ a bitch to land shortly after passing McCarran. This bitch flippin’ shaves 10-15 minutes off of flight time compared to larger jets. Flip your own bitch and get to Vegas faster by using promo code E9VX9K.

The inflight menu. Everything is complimentary.

I order Casamigos and orange juice. The flight attendant asks if I want a double. Well duh.

If you haven’t already gleaned, the service, whether at the gate or inflight, is phenomenal.

A tray of snacks is brought around. The coconut chips are delicious.

As our attendant walks back from serving all passengers their snacks, she sees I’m almost done with my drink and offers another one! This is the beauty of just 30 passengers—a 45-minute flight and I’m three tequilas in!

The strip begins to reveal itself. I can barely keep it together. I’m so drunk at this point. I nearly poop my pants.

A smooth landing, a short taxi towards Atlantic Aviation, and because there’s no jetway to connect, you’re pretty much off the plane right away to collect your belongings sitting right there on the tarmac.

Now, for the question that the, to quote Bernie Sanders, “top one-tenths of one percent” are dying to know: can a limo pick you up on the tarmac so you can flex ya’ big dick around the other passengers?

Yes and no. Depending on the size of the cars, they only allow 2-3 limos at once on the tarmac and two LVS stretches beat my MGM Resorts stretch by only a few seconds. We had to [deep breath] walk 40 feet passed the tarmac gate where our driver was waiting. Joke’s on the other guys though: they have to stay at Venetian/Palazzo.

As of this writing, I don’t believe JetSuiteX works directly with a fixed based operator out of Vegas. Leave a little extra time because you instead check in at an office park surrounded by “massage” parlors before boarding a luxury shuttle that takes you a few blocks to the tarmac. This departure lounge remains my only real complaint about the experience; while furnishings are new and you can perhaps squeeze in a happy ending before your flight, the place itself is straight up grungy. It feels like it might be temporary, but if it isn’t, some serious renovations are in order to bring it up to the rest of JetSuiteX’s standards.

Other than that, the experience was flawless. Book it. And use my promo code: E9VX9K.

ThanE9VX9Kks for readE9VX9King!